I Lost 25+ Pounds and Gained It All Back: Healing My Relationship with Food and Body Image

Happy New Year and welcome to 2024! As we think about how fast this last year went by, take a moment to reminisce on the journey from a period of isolation just a couple of years ago to the times we're experiencing now. This era has been filled with travel, impulsive adventures, spending time with loved ones, reconnecting with old friends, and most importantly, introspecting about our life's direction.

With the dawn of this new year, many of us are setting resolutions and envisioning our goals for 2024. As I reflect on my aspirations, I find myself drawn to discuss a certain topic: the concept of making weight loss a New Year's resolution. It doesn’t appear harmful at first glance as everyone desires to feel and look their best. However, it's important to craft a plan that's not just attainable and realistic but also intertwined with an overall lifestyle shift, rather than a short-term pursuit of aesthetics. I’m only speaking from experience.

Growing up, I was active in cheerleading and lacrosse, moving my body consistently with daily practices and maintaining my physique even with terrible dietary habits. But later in my senior year, I decided to not be a part of any sports teams and became entirely dedicated to my studies. This commitment resulted in a routine dominated by school and work, leaving little room for exercise, which ultimately caused me to gain weight. It wasn't a huge concern to me at the time until hurtful comments about my appearance surfaced from people closest to me like my family and old friends, triggering insecurity and an intense focus on my physical appearance.

Once I moved to San Luis Obispo for college, fueled by these criticisms, I spiraled into an extreme routine. Gym sessions stretched for hours daily, paired with a restrictive diet primarily composed of proteins, avoiding carbs and sugars at all costs. I would be so exhausted from how much I was challenging my body that I needed to take naps in the daytime every day or I wasn’t able to function. After shedding over 25 pounds, I reached a stage where I felt comfortable with my physical appearance and no longer received negative comments about my body. The weight loss brought a fleeting sense of confidence but unconsciously created a toxic relationship with food, exacerbated by financial constraints.

Fast forward to the present, I so happened to gain all my weight back. Although I was grappling with it in the beginning, I had the epiphany that it was only because my mental health was in a really good place and I wasn't listening to the outside noise. I learned that indulgence isn't a vice; it's part of a balanced life. I came to understand that a healthy relationship with food goes hand in hand with physical fitness.

Now, I'm focused on toning my body healthily and sustainably. I still have a genuine love for the gym and fitness overall but I'm now ensuring I provide myself with the necessary nutrition. I've realized the significance of not depriving myself of the pleasures in life and instead eating intuitively and in moderation. I look and feel great-- a number on a scale does not change that. The message I’m trying to share here is for those navigating body consciousness, I urge you to prioritize realistic and sustainable goals, considering both short and long-term effects.

For 2024, my goal is to maintain an active lifestyle while not letting fitness overshadow my life experiences. In the past, I would sometimes skip out on eating with friends because I was worried about calories, and I might've missed out on a bunch of fun memories because of it. I aim to savor my meals without reverting to an unhealthy relationship with food. Life’s way too short to be hyper-fixated on something as silly as calories.

Our bodies are a reflection of the love we give ourselves and the love we receive. We need to love and appreciate our bodies more and acknowledge that external perceptions don't define us. If we’re able-bodied and healthy, we’re already extremely blessed. I believe social media has created this false perception that everyone’s bodies should look a certain way but that’s not true. We were made to be and look unique. Embracing individuality amidst ever-changing beauty standards can be truly empowering.

Whatever your goals for this year may be, please ensure they align with your desires, are sustainable, and prioritize your well-being. It's okay to take a gentle approach towards achieving goals; self-compassion is key.

Remember, you are loved, and I’m wishing you the best on your journey in this new year. Thank you for allowing me to share my story and for accompanying me on this honest reflection. <3

With Love, 

Kaitlin